Thursday, August 16, 2012

In My Restless Dreams, I See That Town. Silent Hill.

          A couple of weeks ago, I dreamed I was cycling the Tour de Puke event. Except it was a mixture of Percy Warner Park and the neighborhood I grew up in. The streets were twice as wide, trees like Red Woods. My Dad was behind me as a support vehicle. At the top of one climb was a rest stop. There was a cozy-looking cabin with gentle smoke rising from the chimney. A very serene scene. The ride organizer invited everyone to stop and have a cup of coffee, a very unorthodox beverage at a cycling event. I did not want to stop because my goal was to win the race this year. I didn't need a break.
          I rounded the turn to what would be a view of the river. The scene transitioned, as I reached into my backpack to grab a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a cyclist's favorite during the long rides. It changed to cycling into an opened-up view of an unfamiliar house. I cycled through the living room, kitchen and down a hallway.
          The scene quickly changed once again, into a crossroads area. It was a roundabout in a cramped French-style city. There were 3 streets extending from the roundabout. There were dirty street signs and graffiti on walls. The atmosphere quickly got darker and shifted to a dark orange hue, much like the game Silent Hill. It felt like the same thing was going on. I knew I had to get indoors fast. I climbed a ledge and opened a Venetian-style door.
          I was now in a projection booth above a movie theater. The closet was cramped and was lit by a small lamp. On a box was an old book that had been rebound. I read an extremely disturbing passage, "This is what hell is really like." The book also described that "the underground" was being destroyed by the upper world. I wasn't sure what it meant, but I realized I was underground and that there was a real upper world which was the world of the living and that their excavations and exploring were going to cross that line and destroy the peace of the underground. Then the dream ended.


  • Bicycle: To dream that you are riding a bicycle signifies your desires to attain a balance in your life. You need to balance work and pleasure in order to succeed in your current undertakings. If you have difficulties riding the bicycle, then it suggests that you are experiencing anxieties about making it on your own.
  • Larger: To dream that someone or something is bigger than normal indicates that you either have an inflated opinion of yourself or of someone. You may be expressing a desire to be more dominant in some situation or relationship. To see a big figure in your dream represents authority and power.
  • Coffee: To dream that you are drinking or need your coffee suggests that you need to gain some insight and knowledge before making a decision or tackling some project/relationship. You may be acting too hasty and need to slow down. Alternatively, it may imply a need for you to change your routine.
  • Crossroads: To dream that you are at a crossroads symbolize an important decision that you need to make. You have come to a point in your life where you have several options that you need to weigh. Each option will lead you to a different destination or goal. Alternatively, the crossroads suggest of a change in direction in your life.
  • Darkness: To dream that darkness comes upon you signifies failure in some work that you are attempting. Darkness is synonymous with ignorance, the subconscious, evil, death, and fear of the unknown. If the sun breaks through the darkness, then you will overcome your failures. If you feel safe in the dark, then it suggests that you like not knowing about certain things. As some might say, ignorance is bliss.
  • Underground: To dream of going or living underground indicates that you are trying to force certain thoughts and issues into your subconscious mind. You really need to confront and explore your subconscious.

          In real life, I'm looking forward to a real event called Tour de Puke. It's a metric-century (62 mile) bike ride open to a select few who are invited. It is within a park with very hilly landscape, over 5,000 feet of total elevation. Last year I placed third. This year I'm looking to win, which is reflected in my not stopping for a break in the dream. Dad has been sag support during 2 of my centuries, also reflected in the dream. The big trees and wide streets perhaps symbolize bigger goals: winning TdP and taking on Six Gap this fall.
          The transition from the race through the house to the Silent Hill-like world has a fairly simple meaning. When I'm not on my bike, working, working out, or studying, I'm usually a cave-dwelling ginger at home, pondering various possibilities of my life, traveling through various rooms of thought. But with that comes many negatives...
          Going to a roundabout, a crossroads with three streets, symbolizes decisions. Three physical goals of mine are a TdP win, top 5% finish at Tough Mudder and completing Six Gap. But the three roads could also symbolize something else. Deciding a new job, a different school program or a new place to live. Either way, it's a roundabout, circling endlessly until I make a decision.
          The scene gets darker, many Silent Hill symbols come into play, the darkness, the rusty-hue, the feeling of impending doom. Perhaps diverting to a small place in the projection booth means that I forget about the roads-my decisions, which currently seem dark and foggy, and move to a place of comfort. Yet while in this place of comfort, I realize that no progress is being made. The passage in the book, "This is what hell is really like", is how I feel about such indecision, such agnosticism towards many things, and repeating the same routines.
          Perhaps the part about the upper world means my conscious life, the underground being the subconscious past. I can't explain this phenomena, but lately I've been having strong memories of my past that arise randomly. Maybe it's my diet and exercise having a positive effect on the connections of my brain. They are memories I had forgotten of places or events from my childhood, feelings that were strong back then about life in general, and other random events more recent. 'Nostalgia' comes from the Greek word 'nóstos', meaning 'homecoming' and 'álgos', meaning 'pain'. Nostalgia has historically been viewed as a medical or psychological condition, triggered by various smells, sights, music, locations, etc. The power of the past pulls many sufferers of nostalgia back to more comfortable times, avoiding the gloom and fog of an unforeseen future.
          Maybe the digging into the underground is me tapping into things I should not be dwelling on or thinking about at all.. Disturbing the peace of the underground, the dead, the past. The past should stay dead. The past can be both a comfort like serene landscapes of a home town, but also can be a nightmarish transition to the 'otherworld', reflections of past failure, fear and pessimism. The dream is a reminder to decide on something and stick to it. I completed 3 State 3 Mountain with flying colors. There's no reason I can't do whatever I put my mind to and do what I can right now, so that the fog dissipates and the streets become clearer.

1 comment:

Osprey said...

Also, I've been playing a LOT of Silent Hill, which explains those symbols. Currently on SH4, playing through the series! :D